Tried refocusing
Posted on July 01, 2024 by Azeth — 2 min
It’s been a bit since I last wrote anything here and I thought things were going good, but I guess they only appeared to be going good.
I had a rough time last week so I made the choice to disconnect for a few days and recharge my batteries and it appeared to work, but only for me it seems.
I got home and while I was feeling better, it didn’t change how anybody else felt about me so the cycle continued. My partner would have preferred I stayed away for longer. They didn’t say how much longer just that when I got back they weren’t happy anymore because of my presence.
I slept on the couch so they could fall asleep, the couch they made me buy specifically because it was too uncomfortable to sleep on and would stop me from falling asleep outside of our bedroom.
It was okay though, the physical discomfort was more bearable than then the mental discomfort. Eventually I drifted off and slept a bit before work today. I’ve tried to stay out of their way and be in a different room so they wouldn’t be bothered by my presence, but they followed me into the office where I have to work so I can’t really do anything about it now.
I want to run away but that’s never been an option. I know things will get better eventually, I’ll just keep working on myself and hope the world gets better with me.
Things would probably be better if I had a close friend I could enjoy spending time with, but that would sour this relationship more so I just gotta enjoy the tiny interactions I have with strangers.
Maybe if I can hire somebody to pretend to care about me it wouldn’t be as harmful to my situation because it’s a financial transaction and not a real emotional one.
Here’s to hoping for better days!
💝 Azeth